The End of School

SO EVIL!
First of all.. Why on earth do teachers assign so many damn projects?
I know they have just about as much drive as the kids do right about now.
There are so few days left that everyone is already out of school in their minds.
I hate math!
RAAARRRR.

So! To cheer myself (and you guys) up...

ANIMAL LOVE!

Basically I found the cutest story in the world.
This little boy just loves his burmese python.
And I can't handle how sweet this is.


Dude! This kid had a dragon father in a past life!!

Daddy!
Amazing.

So just a few more cute pictures to cheer me up and melt my heart.



AAAaaaaahhhhh!!!!
I can't handle it!
Too cute!

Oh My Dog!

I just had a brilliant idea!!!
I will draw my own funny comics!!! Yes! Amazing!
Until then though I will continue on with the ones I stole.
This makes me laugh.

And number one and two remind me of Sammee. Yes Sammee. You.

Why is Youtube

So rediculous.
Why does it brainwash you to watch lame videos for hours.
I have absolutely no idea.
I don't know what to blog about right now.
Usually I have some pretty funny things that just pop up in my mind. Eh, not so much.
I've been thinking about writing a screenplay or something. Just for fun. But, uh, I know that after about one page, or like, one scene, I'd get pretty bored. Plus, what would I write about. And would I make it funny. I don't even know.
I'm just going to put up funny comics from toothpastefordinner.com because that always makes me laugh..

Uhhh.. This made me question myself...



Having kids will be so rad.


Hahahahhaha Michael Phelps!!!




I hate math more than anything in the world, but i just love Pi for some reason.
Or maybe I just love jokes about it...

Again, with the Pi... Oh by the way, parents, family members, friends etc... a message to you, I really want this shirt. They sell it on the website listed above... Buy it for me please. Okay thays all folks.

Dear Ben and Jerry,

First, I would like to offer my compliments. Your ice cream is quite savory. It tickles my tongue on all the right taste sensors. I love the handy size that the carton is. It is so perfect for holding in one hand while the other hand scoops. I would also like to congratulate you on your obvious success as ice cream creators. Your company is very popular. I do, however, have one complaint. I am getting fat. Yes, shocking I know. It is so hard for me to write this to you because I love your company. I just could not get on with my life until I had gotten that out. You have delighted so many tummies and comforted so many newly single women that its hard for me to put any mark upon your name. But it had to be done. Those single women are now even more single than before. The reason is your ice cream. It is a tragic cycle of sadness, then eating, than an even more painful sadness. I only felt responsible for my fellow females out there, eating away their souls. Please excuse me for tarnishing your name Ben and Jerry, but I sit here holding and empty carton of Banana Split flavored ice cream, and I cant help but wondering... why not fat free?
Please take it into consideration dear friends.
Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
Lily Coose, Devoted Female Customer

All I Need

I love making lists, so I've made a list of the things I need to keep me happy for a little while. Not to say without them I am unhappy, or that with them I am content with my life.
You know what I mean.
Here we go then.
-Coffee
-Bananagrams
-Peter Doherty

-Crest Whitestrips
-Text messaging
-Myspace comments
-Blogs

-my facebook group about myself
-nail polish
-cucumber and cantaloupe candles from yankee c.c.
-Geico commercials
-Elton John
-Gilda Radner

-movies
-youtube
-Strawberry cake
-Playing guitar and piano
-singing badly
-Chicken Pho (soup)

-Sushi
-Ben and Jerry's (banana split!)
-Macaroni and Cheeze (Kraft)
-my bed
-Pooh Bear! (my kitty)
-driving with people
-changing outfits
-snakes
-vintage pinup stuff
-1920's era

-crazy art
-graffiti
-gossiping about people i dont know
-Hunter S. Thompson


-making up crazy stories
-writing poetry
-writing poetry about my made up crazy stories
-laughing about anything
-lol cats
-rainbows and unicorns

Coffee is God Pt. 2

Someday, I assume there will be a "Coffee Prohibition". When this day comes I will be like Santiago(we got some existentialism going on in english)and I will suffer with grace and dignity. I will also become a coffee dealer. Because keeping people alive is my "project" in life.


And if coffee becomes a drug, they will call coffee making materials "paraphenalia".
"Ma'am, did you know that the trunk of your car is filled with coffee paraphenalia?"
"No, Officer I swear it isn't mine! It's my friends car!"


And the kids will all be drinking it secretly.
"Hey maaan.. I got some hot joe at my house! Wanna go sip it out back? Its really strong maaan. It really gets you shakin.."


Common Parent-Teenager Conversation:
"Johnny! Your late coming home today, where have you been?"
"Don't worry about it Mom, I was at Randy's. Just hangin."
"Come here. Whats that smell! You smell like coffee! Let me see your eyes! Are you high!?!?!"

And us older folks will remember the good old days.
"Whats that these kids are callin it these days Susan? 'Joe'? When I was in high school, we were allowed to drink coffee in class! Can you imagine!"

Too Many Movies

On my Ramona trip D. Boy and I watched EIGHT movies.
Yeah.
Insanity.
Day one: part of Monty Python, Lion King, Atlantis.
Day two: Dr. Strangelove, Sunshine.
Day three: Annie Hall, The Graduate, and the beginning of Closer.
Day four: My eyes hurt!


We also went to McDonald's a few times.

What One Does In A Rural City

These are the things to do in Ramona:
-watch 8 movies
-eat
-gaze into the refrigerator for hours
-walk from one room to the other
-make really atrocious faces at members of the family
-not know how to put the rockband drums together
-check my phone for non-existent texts
-open my phone inbox and double check for texts
-change my shoes
-fail at shopping because stores close at 5pm.
-eat breakfast with Charlotte
-deface Dans pancake because he wouldnt get up
-make pancakes shaped like birds
-name them Birdie Bites!
-get yelled at by dan
-get called fat
-get made fun of
-get put on a diet
-make a pizza and spend hours picking off the meat
-NOT go on the internet
-sit down
-stand up
-punch Dan in the spleen
-get punched in the arm
-get punched in the ribs
-get punched in the leg
-beat Dan up
-fail miserably at super smash
-get laughed at by josh
-eat soup
-get laughed at by Charlotte
-get laughed at by bev
-play with cross eyed cats
-wonder how woodpeckers are not retarded
-find out that dan listens to lady gaga alot
-laugh at this
-yell at the GPS
-yell at the TV
-yell at the internet connection
-yell at sammee on the phone (she stole ian)
-not finish my knitting
-read Vonnegut
-quote pretentious books to one another
-walk around the garden
-not do any gardening
-drink almost an entire case of bottled water
-sing the song "just dance" a million times
-dance to the song "just dance" the entire time
-sing dixie chicks songs
-pretend to not like lady gaga and the dixie chicks
-stare endlessly out the car window
-be really overwhelmed by the actually gorgeous scenery
-fall in love with the hills
-fall in love with the baby sheep
-fall in love with bottled water(its so convenient!)
-see a bison
-see a bison fetch for a ball!
-make a list of things to do in Ramona

A Very Serious Letter

Dear Dan,
Thank you for buying me guitar strings. It was the best idea ever. I can now play guitar without sounding like a fool. My E note may actually be an E now. The strings actually resonate and they dont buzz. It is in fact, incredible. It just goes to show that after seven years of use and misuse, guitar strings do not, in fact, work. The only reason they lasted this long is because I am so magical that the strings never wanted to break. Also, thank you for the the endless amounts of chicken mcnuggets and french fries that you buy me. I will one day buy you something so grand you will forget that your tax refunds were spent on me.
Perhaps I will buy you some very nice shades. They will be so snazzy that when you walk down the street, some really cool producer will notice you and comment on your shades.
"Snazzy shades, man."
"Thanks alot man. I dig yours too."
You will respond politely and walk away humming a catchy tune. The producer will stop you again,
"Excuse me again, sir, I'm ever so sorry, but what is that catchy tune?"
"Oh," you will say, "Just a little something I wrote.."
"Please, if it isnt too intrusive, but do you have any other songs?"
Then before you know it you will be producing really great music by your new favourite bands. Your life will be going really great and then one day you will get a life changing phone call.
"She and Him is on line two." your assistant (me) will say.
"OMG OMG GIVE ME THE PHONE!" you will scream really, really quietly.
(much shuffling and rearranging of nothing and lots of you fixing your hair.)
"Hellooo.. This is Dan."
"Hello? Hi, Its Zooey Dechanel, from She and Him. M. Ward and I are thinking about making a new album.. We hear you are the best..."
And so will begin the scandalous affair of creating an album and falling in love. There will be lots of darting glances through the recording studio window. Many instances of shuffling and parallel synchronized randomness through the narrow halls of your building. Then the awkward process of moving from handshake to hug, from long hug to the quick peck on the cheek, to the kiss on the side of the mouth, to the Lily turning around when she sees a "goodbye" coming along, to Lily holding the calls when she sees the recording studio light on, to the scary glances Lily gets from Zooey, to Lily just knowing faaar too much, to Lily and Zooey becoming really really great friends.
And then when you get married to her, you will be very very glad that you bought me those guitar strings.
And so will I, because you will produce my really great acoustic covers of really stupid radio hits.
And we will all be really really happy.
The End



P.S. I love you.

Coffee is God Part 1

I hope that i never reach this point..
But I think i already have..


Yesterday, i drank 5 cups of coffee...
And i could not fall asleep.

Exactly.
But honestly, I think everyone is addicted to coffee.
People worship coffee.

And i feel the same way.

Milkshakes!

For some reason, I just had the insane need for a milkshake.
It overpowered me. I needed a banana milkshake right now.
I tried to get over it, but I honestly could not get it out of my head.
So I went downstairs and did the best i could.
Recipe:
1 Banana
7 or 8 ice cubes
Milk
a teeny bit of honey

Put the banana and ice cubes in a blender. pour in enough milk to cover the ice cubes. put in honey if you like it. blendy blend.
It isnt the tastiest. but it will do if you are out of your mind craving a banana milkshake like me.
yay!


Also:

Hey Hospital!

Are you ready for me?



So, I recently signed up for the Hoag Hospital internship type thingy through the ROP program at my school. Hopefully i get in. Tons of kids apply and there are multiple schools in the same ROP program. If I do, it will be in the fall.
It sounds really crazy and intense. Krystina did it and she really likes it.
At least I will be able to decide if I want to work in a hospital.
Intensity.

Peer into my Orb of Thoughts

When I hear anyone under the age of college talking about their "boyfriend/girlfriend"....

If you are sixteen and you have a "serious relationship"..
You are stupid.

Americans. Rural vs High School:

Apply this.

When I talk to stupid people:


When I'm drawing or sculpting and people ask me the question "What are you making?" or "Is that a 'so and so'???", when it is so obvious. Oh my god, have you just opened your eyes for the first time?

Whaaattt!?!?!?! Homosexuals are GAY?!?!?!?!?

or maybe this is a better example because its visual.


Heres an example of how annoying people are.
Sammee and I went to 8th grade orientation because I was representing the art department by sculpting at out table. I am making a fish. It is almost done, it is obviously a fish. A girl from our grade walks up...
"Hiii Lily."
"Hey, (so and so)"
*looks at what Im making* "Ohh that's cool, is that a fiiish?"
***I look at Sammee***
"Uh no, Its a bird.."
*unreasonably long pause in which the girl actually looks confused*
"OOooohh..Uhh, Okaay.. bye Lily."

More Snipets of My Mind

When I am sleepy, my mind looks like this:
When I am falling asleep, I get this really weird/ awesome/ sometimes dizzying sensation, as if I'm slowly sinking underwater and being spun around by currents. It happens almost every time i close my eyes. I was most likely a sea-dwelling animal in a past life.

When I am confused:
I mean come on... what is not confusing about this. Oh look its a picture of lettuce. Only joking, its actually babies.

When I am with Dan (sometimes):
"Lil, will you make me a peanut butter sandwich?"
"Lil, can you hand me that?"

When I am angry:
In my mind.. "RRraaaarararraraashsdhkajfhkwjvndkjhb!!!!!"
Out loud... "Excuse me please."

Dragons

Fact or Fiction?
This is possibly the most commonly asked question amongst humans everywhere.
If they are real, where is the proof?
If they are not, why does everyone know what they look like?


That second picture is obviously REAL.
There is a real baby dragon in that jar.
If you consider all the theories, and look at all the pictures, and read all the stories, I do not understand how you can still think that dragons are not real.
Personally, I believe in dragons.
I also believe in the Loch Ness Monster.
And fairies and gnomes.
I do NOT believe in el chupacabra.
Or bigfoot.
For some reason those things are just ridiculous to me. They are so obviously made up. People make fake pictures for publicity reasons.
Nessie, fairies, gnomes, and dragons, however, have been around forever!
Seriously folks, get with the program. You want to be on tv, have 8 children. But dont make up complete lies about "mythical" creatures. Morons...

French Class

I have discovered that my school is actually a Kingdom.
My french teacher is the Queen.

Which makes french class no longer a class.
It is an experience. A voyage. An odyssey.
We are not students, we are humble servants of Madame Gruwell.
Sammee and I, however, are ladies in waiting. Our duty is to entertain Queen Gruwell. She has even graced us with her presence outside of her castle. She sat with us in the royal garden. She is kind to those who serve her well, and occasionally gives us gifts for our loyal service. On good days she even joins us in our songs.
Long live Queen Gruwell!
Long live the French Kingdom!

thieves

if only you knew
all those little missing pieces
those torn little paper notes
that wore thin from indecision
those few minutes a day
those little things i just cant say

if only you knew
about all those leftover puddles i jumped in
from that huge huge storm
you set your useless little alarm
if you wake up
it will keep you from harm

if only you knew
all those badly written poems
that i keep secret from everyone
because they are actually about you

if only you knew
why you cant connect who you are
because i write things about you
and i wish you could see
that i dont understand you at all
because you are me

The "25 Random Facts" Thing from Lamebook

1. In the past 9 months i have dyed my hair over 10 times and had over 5 different styles, including dreadlocks.
2. Im already planning my next hairstyle.
3. I like to pick my nose, and i am not ashamed.
4. My best friend is a slut but i still love him.
5. I love pythons, they are my favorite animals.
6. I actually dislike school passionately, however, i love history.
7. I will be the BEST wife and mom ever, because i love taking care of people.
8. The first legit song i learned on guitar was Free Falling by Tom Petty.
9. A science fiction book changed my life. Enders Game by Orson Scott Card.
10. My fist sons name will be Charles Candide, daughter will be Roselena Constantine.
11. I have named all my future kids. I am prepared for 20 but i only want 2.
12. I write letters to my future self, and seal and date them and open them later.
13. My dream husband is a sexy french chef with green eyes and curly dark hair. he will speak to me in french.
14. I like to make up stories.
15. Inside my head my life is actually really exciting.
16. If Napolean Bonaparte were alive, i would be his best friend. sorry Dan.
17. I give amazing advice and im usually right, but no one believes me.
18. In my lifetime i plan to read Anna Karenina, War and Peace, and Don Quixote..
19. I want to be a tattoo artist, but i dont want tattoos on the outsides of my arms.
20. I want to be a sailor but I am afraid of the open ocean.
21. I believe in the Loch Ness monster.
22. When i was little i wanted to be asian when i grew up.
23. I love to dig holes. In the sand, and in the dirt...
24. I wish that life had pause, rewind and fast forward.
25. I once spit across a two lane street.. almost.

Mini Me

My friend Krystina actually croched a teeny Mee!

ITS SO CUTE!
I love Mee so much!
Her blog is coming soon.



Random Fact #2:
Sammee controls the weather.

Random Fact #3:
I CAN actually fly. And i get really annoyed when people say I cant. Because I can.

Inside My Head

In case you ever wondered what it looks like when i close my eyes...
I will show you a few examples.
Try not to be too scared..

Most of the Time:

Self Explanatory.
If one were to walk the plains of my mind, they would come upon many scenes like this.

When I picture my dream man.

I know, they are too hot to handle.

When I'm Sad:

Since no one got the pure hilariosity of the last picture...
I'm sure you get where I'm going with this.
Im not usually sad, soooo.. that's why this is funny.
It's sarcastic.
Sarcasm..
Yea I know, I'm not very good at it.



When I'm with Samantha:

Obviously..

Just a peek into my mind.
Coming soon!
When I am sleepy.
When I am with Dan.
When I am angry.
When I am at School.
When I talk to stupid people.

My Kitty Cat

This animal is one of my favorite things in the world!
Her name is Pooh Bear a.k.a. Sheba.
Dan started calling her that.. and then it caught on.
She is Himalayan. (Persian/Siamese)



She once chased me around my house and cried (in cat language) when i was leaving for school.
Samantha is her Godmother.
She understands human.
She is the sweetest most snuggly cat ever.



Random Fact #1
Samantha once splashed around in holy water and threw it at her friend.

Samaaayyy is here

And we are sitting here on my comfy bed, playing with my kitty cat Pooh Bear.
We just got our hair done. Very cutesy!

So... Today Samantha and I decided to be really adventurous and sit "out there"* during lunch break. (Our usual hangouts (sunspot* and artroom*) have been infested with creeps.) Aaaanywhooo, we found some really nice benches that are usually inhabited by "punks", but they seem to have evacuated to the art room. The benches are a little off to the side away from all the chaos and they are in perfect sunlight. Being the feline girls that we are, we laid on the benches in the sun and watched our peers interact.
This is what it looked like...


"Something is not right." Miss Clevelle would say.**
I think we might go back to sitting in the quiet garden behind the art building.

*Out There: N. Main area of the school where all the kids hang out and stand around. It is extremely crowded and actually frightening at times. We usually sit in quiet areas. See other definitions.
*Sun Spot: N. Small area towards the side of the school. It is actually just the steps by the B Building lockers. Sammee is friends with the attendees of this area. Frequent fliers are called the "Sunspot Kids"
*Art Room: N. The art room. I used to hang out there until people I dislike took over. Namely the lame-o new "punks", bitchy "trendy" kids, and totally un-artsy kids.
**reference to the cartoon Madeline.